When you’ve experienced developmental trauma, you may experience a variety of symptoms. You might develop an anxious preoccupied or disorganized attachment style. A major characteristic of both these attachment styles is the fear of abandonment. Moreover, people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), borderline personality disorder, and other mental illnesses often experience this fear as well. It’s important to identify and address this fear as it can hinder healthy relationships and interpersonal healing.
5 Signs You Fear Abandonment
Many times, a person doesn’t realize they’re afraid of abandonment. If you’re wondering whether you fear abandonment, read and consider these five signs that the answer is “yes.”
#1 Sensitivity to Rejection
You might find that you’re extremely sensitive to anything that could be perceived as rejection. Do you take constructive criticism as a personal attack? When someone expresses an opposing opinion to yours, do you take it as them saying, “you’re not good enough”? All of these examples show a sensitivity to rejection and, consequently, abandonment.
#2 People Pleasing
When you’re afraid to lose someone, you might find yourself molding into what they want you to be. You could lose your personality and unique traits. Furthermore, you might find yourself becoming a “yes man.” Even in your own mind, your desires won’t matter as much. You may even compromise your values, allowing things to happen that go against your core values.
#3 Lack of Boundaries
It’s tough for anyone to set healthy boundaries. For people with rejection sensitivity, it can feel especially difficult. You might fail to say “no,” when you’re uncomfortable. Additionally, you could feel like you need to fix others or vice versa. It could feel difficult to assert things you consider important. When you’ve gone through trauma, you might compulsively overshare. Though unintentional, these actions aren’t healthy.
#4 Critical Inner Voice
Your inner voice can indicate a lot about your fears. When you fear abandonment, you want to do anything to prevent a person from leaving. As such, you’ll become self-conscious to an unhealthy level. You may find yourself critiquing and degrading every small action. When left untreated, it can become difficult, if not impossible, to speak kindly to yourself.
#5 Running Away Before Abandonment
If you’re afraid of being abandoned, you might also fear emotional intimacy. Whenever someone starts to get close, you may cut off the connection. It’s the “you can’t fire me because I quit” syndrome. Unfortunately, it’s common for people to emotionally run away because they believe abandonment is inevitable.
People leave. It’s a normal part of life. However, what happens when you’re obsessively petrified of this? Fear of abandonment can come from developmental trauma and multiple mental illnesses. Your fear of abandonment, when left unchecked, can create interpersonal dilemmas and maladaptive behaviors. At The Guest House, we can help you address the symptoms and the cause of your fear of abandonment. Through our holistic therapies, like equine therapy and adventure therapy, you can learn to trust others. You’ll begin feeling secure in your interpersonal relationships. Contact The Guest House at (855) 483-7800.