Taking on someone else’s pain and experience is exhausting. We can give to our loved ones in treatment for trauma without making their experience our own.
Give Them Time
The recovery timeline is never definite in its stages. Similar to the stages of grief, recovery doesn’t happen one stage at a time in any kind of linear order. Your loved one will likely shift from seeming “ahead” in their trauma treatment and recovery to seeming somewhat “behind”. Remember that they need time and time only moves forward in one second intervals. By giving your loved one time, you are not taking on the pressure of their recovery. Creating separation of time also creates separation of space, which puts you into a position of living your own life.
Give Them Space
Watching a loved one struggling through their pain during treatment is hard for anyone to do. You might be tempted to dive in, give them advice, be part of every single component of their process. One of the most helpful things you can do is give them the authentic autonomy to be their authentic and autonomous selves. By trying to act as their crutch, you inhibit their total recovery. Instead, it is best to focus on letting them come to you. Their knowledge that you are available when they need you is critical for them. Your loved one will learn how to ask for help and how to self-soothe when necessary.
Give Them a Willing Ear
You’re always there to listen to them. You know that and they know that. Are you always there to just listen, without a response that could be full of advice-giving, criticizing, personal problems, or more? Absorbed by the motives of the self in “helping” someone else, we often find these opportunities of listening to be self-serving. Sharing in someone’s pain is different than just acting as a willing ear. Be willing to just listen and have compassion realizing it isn’t your life, it isn’t your story, and in that moment, it isn’t your time.
Give Them Freedom
“You are now free to roam about the cabin” is a famous example from air travel we use to express the ability to be mobile in our lives. Controlling is a way that people cope with what is out of their control. A loved one who is in treatment for trauma is experiencing all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and realizations that are out of your control. Trying to control where you can limits their freedom in recovery. Rather than try to hold the back, even out of the best intentions, let them fly free and find strength in their own wings.
Everyone has a story before they come to treatment. When you arrive at the private estate of The Guest House Ocala, you are met exactly where you are. With loving open arms we welcome you to our residential treatment programs for traumas, addictions, and related issues. Call us today for information: 1-855-483-7800