Abandonment is something many people experience as their trauma. For many, just reading the word will put a clamp on their heart and extract the tears from their eyes. Being abandoned is remarkably, deeply painful emotionally. One of humankind’s greatest fears is being alone- stemming from an existential pondering which has never been answered with a verified truth. Are we alone in this world? Are we alone in this universe? When we experience abandonment, we experience it in the core of our existence. Abandonment can be anything, because everyone experiences trauma differently. We might develop an abandonment complex from one time our parents left us alone in our room too long. Attachment patterns like anxious
We have been left. We have had our worst fears confirmed, or created for us. “Abandonment issues”, as they are casually referred to, can leach into every area of our lives, from our job stability to our self-worth, from our social behaviors to our relationships.
Relationships are generally an area of instability for those who have not yet therapeutically worked through their trauma. Trauma changes how we see ourselves and our place in the world, which changes how we see ourselves in relationships with others. Many of us cling to relationships as a way to secure our identity and safety in ourselves, as well as the world. Even when we are in toxic or abusive relationships, we can still feel those feelings of abandonment when the relationship ends.
Coping with a breakup when you are in recovery from trauma is no different than coping with a breakup when you are not in recovery from trauma, except for one thing. If you are experiencing a breakup in recovery from trauma, you have to be extra gentle with yourself by engaging in more therapeutic based self-care. A breakup can and most likely will trigger your trauma in ways that are obvious as well as unobvious. Feelings, thoughts, and fears will be especially strong.
Here are some important tips:
Allow yourself to feel the pain, but ask for help when necessary. You will not just be feeling the pain of your breakup, but the pain of your past abandonment as well. Meeting with your therapist is important during this time to help you separate the pain you are feeling, stay grounded to reality, and cope effectively.Find acceptance, for all of your losses. A breakup is a grieving processes. Like any grieving process, a breakup has to include acceptance. Acceptance will come at varying stages, for the rest of your life. Experiencing a breakup can be like grieving a past trauma of abandonment as well. Finding acceptance means realizing that this experience of trauma, the breakup, is not the same as it was in the past, though it feels that way. Accept what happened then. Accept what is happening now. Accept that breakups happen as part of life.
Everyone has a story of trauma before they come treatment. Everyone leaves with a story of recovery when they leave treatment. The Guest House Ocala is a private treatment center specializing in the treatment of trauma, addictions, and related mental health issues. Your program of care is customized according to your specific experiences and needs. Our luxury amenities provide the highest level of quality care and comfort so you feel safe, supported, and serene. Call us today for information: 1-855-483-7800