incredible-marketing Arrow

Why Do We Keep Secrets?

Children rely on the adults around them to provide information, knowledge, wisdom, and set an example. Though children are learning from the outside in, they possess an incredible amount of internal wisdom already. Intuitive and keen, children are amazing observers, consuming information by the gallon and making sense of it on their own. Seeing an adult crying or visibly upset, a child knows to ask “What is wrong?” because they have learned these cues means something isn’t entirely right. Learning right from wrong, children are able to sense when a moral or ethical line is being crossed- often to the chagrin of an adult who is attempting to skew the boundaries of rules. The relationship of trust being built between a child and an adult relies on honesty. Adults have to be honest with children in healthy ways in order for the child to continue learning how to trust their own instincts.

Too often, children are lead astray. Asked “What is wrong?” by a compassionate child while crying, an adult may angrily deflect saying, “Nothing is wrong”. Until the child is old enough to realize, “Something is certainly wrong, they don’t want to talk about it,” all the child hears is, “Your intuition is incorrect.” Judy Crane points out that “…children begin to believe they can’t trust their feelings or trust that their caretakers will tell the truth,” in her book The Trauma Heart. Lost in the translation of honesty, trust, and appropriate information, children become vulnerable to keeping secrets for their adults. Knowing that an adult is upset becomes a secret. Mommy is crying, but I can’t tell anyone. As more information is gained, the more complex secrets become. Being taught not to trust their instincts, when a child instinctually feels they need to tell someone else, they struggle to take the opportunity.

Secret-keeping can become a life long burden of labor. How each child becomes the beholder of secrets is different, as is the nature of the secrets they keep and the reasons they hold onto them. Keeping a secret could mean keeping a part of reality at bay, trying to protect a loved parent or caretaker, avoiding blame, shame, guilt, and punishment, or accepting the defeat of misappropriated emotional responsibility.

Ultimately, we keep secrets because it is what we have been taught to do through the programming presented to us through our lives. Seeking recovery through trauma treatment helps us unravel the stories of our lives, undo our programming, and choose a new way of living. Everyone has a story to tell. If you’re ready to tell yours, call The Guest House Ocala today.

You can walk through your trauma. The Guest House Ocala offers residential treatment programming for trauma, addictions, and related mental health issues. Call us today for information on our customized programs and availability: 1-855-483-7800