In our early years of recovery trauma and various manifestations of trauma, we come to rely on a specific system of support. Along with our clinical team and our peers in treatment, we work to define who and what our support system needs to be and we build it accordingly. Through family therapy, we rebuild connections which have been broken and find support there. Through individual therapy we rebuild a connection with ourself. Through group therapy and group activities, we find the people in treatment we can connect with and trust to get us through. Attending twelve-step meetings and recovery support groups connect us with people outside of treatment center walls and family dynamics who become a family of their own kind. As we grow in our recovery, our support network grows with. Sometimes, however, we grow beyond our support network, and we can find ourselves in need of new support.
We’re human to think and to hope that some things in our life will never change, especially in trauma recovery. Consistency for us is a gift beyond measure because traumatic experiences shatters every idea of consistency we had for our lives. The reality of trauma recovery goes both ways when it comes to consistency. We need consistency and learn how to find as well as create some kind of consistency in our lives we can rely on. We also need to learn that consistency is possibly the least consistent thing in the world, much to our chagrin. The world and all of its people, even the most consistent people in our lives, are constantly changing. Particularly when we are on the path of recovery, we too are constantly changing.
Our support system will change the way they support and relate to us. We will change the way we need support and relate to those in our support system. Some of the time we will recognize our need for a change up ahead of time and be ready to accept change, get our needs met, and detach from others in a loving, grateful way. Much of the rest of the time, we will see the growing need for or reality of change as a threat. Since we have lived through and worked hard to recover from trauma, we have a recognized issue with our attachments and insecurities, but also an awareness of our ability to thrive in the face of transition. A change in support system is just that- a transition. To live with a need to hold onto something or someone secure means to live with a fear of transition or change. Our trauma instincts can come to the surface and attempt to tell us we’ll be alone, that things are changing because there’s something inherently unlovable about us, that we’ll never be loved or supported the same way again. We’re almost convinced that change is the worst thing that could happen to us and that whatever our changing needs are which demand a change in support could be put aside just out of effort to maintain the consistency we so desperately crave. Unfortunately, this attempt at controlling some part of our lives rarely works in our favor.
Watching our needs change and adjusting the way we get our needs met is part of living in trauma recovery because realizing that our needs deserve to be met is also part of living in trauma recovery.
How To Change Your Support System
First, it’s important to ask yourself what you feel is missing from your system of support. As you explore the answers, most preferably with your regular therapist, you might find that there are some elements you feel are lacking which come from you- isolation, avoidance, not reaching out, projecting, or other behaviors which might have inspired some of your support system to change the way they relate to you. However it is important to note that what we do does not necessarily change what other people do. Sometimes, people and situations just change, including ourselves. Still, that doesn’t remove the importance for self-reflection and looking more deeply into our own changes and our behaviors regarding changes.
Second, we need to look closely at our new needs and investigate more deeply how it is we need these needs to be met. What are our fears? What are our insecurities? What are our limits and our boundaries? The better understanding we have, the better foundation we can give ourselves for making the brave decision to find the support that we need in the way that we need it.
When you graduate trauma treatment, the rubber meets the road, as it is said. To live successfully in recovery from trauma, addictions, or related mental health issues, we need the care and professionalism of an experienced, specialized staff who provide us excellence in treatment. Our alumni learn how to thrive in their lives not in spite of trauma, but because of it. We’re always here to welcome those in need of help at The Guest House Ocala. Call us today for information and resources: 1-855-483-7800