Abandonment comes in different forms for different people. A parent leaving another parent in divorce might create abandonment issues. Relationships ending, friendships ending, people leaving, going away long term, being forgotten in a store, being ignored or neglected- many different life circumstances can create the issue of abandonment in the mind. “Abandonment issues” are deep and complex. An underlying narrative is created and nestled underneath all of life’s experiences- a deep fear of being left, rejected, and forgotten. Living with abandonment means living with a wide array of triggers in many different areas of life, most of which are unconscious. It also means living with the trauma of abandonment. We may not be able to readily recognize that our emotional reactions to some of life’s events are rooted in our experience of abandonment. Learning to recognize the thought patterns and reactions abandonment inspires can help us mindfully approach ourselves and the life happening around us with more compassion and awareness.
Nobody wants to be around me/ I don’t matter to people/ I’m not like by people
Our fears of abandonment try to convince us that everyone around us has an ulterior motive, like a grand plan to ignore us, freeze us out, and exclude us. Simple coincidences like multiple people not picking up the phone when we call can trigger us to believe that nobody wants to be around us. What we can’t connect to is the reality of life- people get busy, people have lives, people aren’t thinking about us all the time. We also cannot see when people are thinking of us, reaching out to us, trying to support us, and offering their love to us.
Everyone is leaving me
The greatest fear caused by abandonment is being abandoned again. We react so strongly to triggers of abandonment because we go into a fight-or-flight survival mode, anticipating abandonment. Nothing, in our minds, could be worse than having to face that reality once again. When we suspect abandonment is taking place, we fear that it is taking place in every area of our life with every person in our life.
Something is wrong with me
Abandonment narratives are not comfortable or even pleasant ones. Our minds, when they are triggered by abandonment, can make us feel like a different person. Until we learn how to identify and manage our emotional reactions during abandonment triggers our behaviors might feel out of our control and erratic, leaving us feeling shameful for our abandonment issues. We think that something is wrong with us for feeling this way, for having these fears, for reacting this way.
When we enter a treatment program for trauma, we realize our feelings are not facts. Our reality becomes more clear as we heal our mind, body, and spirit while gaining critical coping skills for managing our thoughts of abandonment. Everyone has a story. Heal yours today by calling The Guest House Ocala for information on our residential treatment programs for trauma, addictions, and related mental health issues. 1-855-483-7800