When we grow up, we develop an attachment style that can influence our success in forming connections and intimate relationships with others. For those of us who grew up in extremely dysfunctional households, we may have developed a disorganized attachment style. If you grew up being afraid of—or being somewhat disturbed by—the behavior of one or both of your parents or caregivers, you may have some of these characteristics. If you had any issue or needed someone to go to, you might have had no one to turn to for security due to your fear of your parents.
When a parent or caregiver is abusive or unable to manage their own underlying mental health issues, we may fear or dread any interactions with them. As children, we need someone to turn to for comfort and protection. When we do not have this, we might develop disorganized attachment, characterized in our adult relationships and behaviors by:
- Severe mood swings or states of arousal
- Going from a state of high-alert to shutting down
- Difficulty regulating emotions
- Seemingly seeking out dangerous situations or people
- High needs of controlling our situations and others
- Issues with impulsivity
If you grew up in a traumatic environment, you might be struggling to connect with others. You might have a difficult time as an adult when you grew up without a feeling of safety and security. However, your past does not determine your future! You can get help to discover new ways to develop healthy, intimate relationships.
Attachment styles develop as we grow up. Our attachment styles often depend upon the relationship that we had with our parents. When we develop a secure attachment style, our parents are likely consistent, comforting, and supportive. Unfortunately, many of us did not grow up in the ideal environment and our attachment styles may be insecure. For those of us in abusive households or ones where we feared our caregivers, we may have developed a disorganized style of attachment. We may have difficulty forming strong connections with others and have a difficult time controlling our emotions or impulses. There is hope for those suffering from traumatic backgrounds! We can help you move on from your past to a future with positive and fulfilling relationships. Call The Guest House at (855) 483-7800 for information on how we can help you treat your trauma and teach you new coping skills for a better life.