It’s okay, we tell ourselves when we see the look on people’s faces after describing episodes of our childhood. It’s just something that happened to me. Though Carl Jung is right when he says, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become” what we go through as children with toxic parents does have an affect on us.
Your parents weren’t supportive and you don’t feel safe being yourself
Safety and security are two of the most critical things a parent is supposed to provide to a child. A feeling of safety is essential in life. Feeling secure and supported by a parent is equally as important. If you didn’t feel acknowledged, accepted, and supported by your parents, you didn’t feel safe and secure. When being who you are is a threat to someone else, it leaves you feeling threatened. Unable to be comfortable in your own skin and feel the support of your authentic self, you feel a lot of doubt about who you are, whether you are good enough, and whether people like you.
Your parents were hypercritical and you have insecurities
Mean parents are just that- mean. Bullying is unacceptable from anyone at anytime. Parents who are bullies were most likely raised that way by their parents. You might hear them call it “tough love” or even criticize you for not being “tough enough” to handle it- which is just more criticism. Such onslaught of criticism shakes your foundation and can cause you to never know if what you are doing is enough, good enough, or will earn you love, respect, admiration, and attention. As a result, you might go to extreme lengths to achieve these feelings.
Your parents told you it was your fault and you believed them
Few things could be worse for a child than to hear that they are deserving of toxic behaviors. Your parents might have told you that if you were different or better they wouldn’t have to treat you that way. Everything you do influences everything that they do. For a child this is an unbearable amount of pressure because it is unrealistic. To be held completely responsible for a grown up’s thoughts and feelings is a devastating responsibility. Emotionally immature parents put their emotional responsibility on their children. Consequently, you might experience symptoms of codependency, people-pleasing, and feelings of responsibility that don’t belong to you. If you feel that everything everyone does is your fault- it isn’t’t. It never has been.
Growing up in a toxic environment is traumatizing. Recovering from trauma takes time and compassionate care. The Guest House Ocala is a private residential treatment facility offering the highest luxury in comfort and clinical excellence for building your life after trauma. Call us today for information: 1-855-483-7800