Detachment means letting go of trying to control an outcome. Detachment does not mean that we have stopped caring and are no longer supportive of our loved one. According to Melodie Beatty in her book, The Language of Letting Go, detachment requires us to understand that worrying, forcing, or controlling do not ultimately work. Detachment may be a difficult concept for many, whose loved ones are struggling with recovery, to grasp.
We believe that our past behaviors of controlling, forcing, and worrying have been helpful and were a sign that we cared. Detachment means caring enough about our loved ones to support them in finding solutions to challenges while taking care of our own needs.
Get Out of the Way
Like the butterfly who would never be able to fly without the struggle to escape the cocoon, our loved ones benefit our detachment. They can grow and transform when they are left alone to build resilience through navigating challenging experiences. Judy Crane tells us that “resilience is built when any life event or situation changes you and your vision of yourself in the world in a positive way.” If we hover too close, trying to control another person out of fear, we limit this opportunity for them. For this change to occur, it is often necessary for us to get out of the way and allow it to happen naturally.
Make Yourself a Priority
It is easy to find ourselves focusing more on the people we love who are struggling than ourselves and our own needs. Self-care requires shifting the focus of our energy from taking care of our loved one to caring for ourselves. Attending to our physical needs while setting appropriate boundaries; creating a safe space where we do not allow worry and fear to control our actions. We allow others to be responsible for the outcome of their behaviors. We are no longer responsible for them as we continue to be accountable to them. Constructing a “Personal Bill of Rights” as well as having a list of self-care action items and reminders can be valuable as we learn to detach with love.
The Guest House Ocala provides exceptional, foremost treatment to those who suffer from self-defeating behaviors brought on by trauma and its underlying issues. We are steadfast in our multimodal treatment approach to help our guests heal from trauma-induced substance abuse, process addiction, anxiety and depression in a safe, comfortable and confidential setting. Call 855-743-3135 today for more information.