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Our Strong Attachment to Pain

Sometimes what can impede our healing the most are the relationships we form with our pain. Rather than a relationship based on acceptance, healing and forward progress, we often form strong attachments to our pain that make us hold onto our painful thoughts and feelings so tightly and keep them so close to us that we aren’t able to allow them to flow freely. This can create energy blocks within us, causing mental, emotional and physical resistance for us. We don’t want to loosen our grip on our pain. We want to hold it as tight as possible, feeling it over and over again, replaying memories of our trauma in our minds, reliving past experiences, and reengaging with all of the bitterness, anguish, grief and disappointment of our pasts. We want to be able to have a relationship with our pain that allows us to accept it for what it is so that we can learn from it and move forward. When we have such a strong attachment to our pain, usually all we can think and feel about are the difficult aspects of it, not all the beautiful and redeeming parts of it, the parts that can bring us joy and peace once we work to move through our pain.

If we imagine our relationship to our pain in the same way we might imagine a codependent relationship, we’re able see just how toxic it can be for us. We feel like we need to perpetually remind ourselves of our pain. We become obsessed with it. We become compulsively tied to it and find ourselves unable to let it go even for a little while. We talk about it constantly. We hold onto grudges. We don’t forgive ourselves. We’re filled with bitterness, resentment, fear and sadness that consume us and that motivate everything from how we think and feel about ourselves to how we go about living our lives.

A healthy relationship with our pain allows us to look at it honestly and openly but also give ourselves the room to breathe, the space to enjoy life, and the energy to cultivate happiness for ourselves. Our pain doesn’t have to be the only thing that informs our identities or governs our lives. We can also find ourselves in our joy, our gratitude, and our inner peace. We can make choices based on self-love rather than self-sabotage. We can learn healthy coping skills that aren’t based on the self-destructiveness of addiction. We can look at our pain, process it and appreciate it for everything it has taught us, how much truth it has illuminated for us, how much it has contributed to our growth, and then also be able to set it down, release it and move forward unencumbered by it.

At The Guest House Ocala, we have personal recovery experience and over 12 years in the recovery industry. We have helped countless people recover, and we’re here to help you too. Call 855-483-7800 today for more information.