Now that you are sober, you are probably wondering why you aren’t any closer to your children. Your adult children might be leery of the “new” you, and if you have younger children, they may still be afraid of the “old” you. Addiction has ripped through the lives of your kids. While that was probably not your intention, that is the reality of the situation. You need to allow them space to come to you when they are ready and not expect them a second sooner.
Give Them Time
Although you may be proud of what you have accomplished in recovery, the pain of your addiction most likely still haunts your children. They honestly want nothing more than to have their parent back, but they will not trust you right away. Your kids need proof that you are going to stick to your recovery program because you have not had a good track record in the past. Your continued progress in recovery will prove that you are pursuing a lifestyle, not a quick fix. You need to keep focusing on your recovery, and they will come around when they are ready.
Admit Your Part
If you want the best results in reconnecting with your kids, you can start by admitting your faults. You may have apologized and said you are “sorry” a million different ways, but this is not about atoning for surface-level issues. Being remorseful for the deep-rooted problems that could take a child’s security and safety away, especially in their formative years, is crucial. Admitting that you put them in risky situations, betrayed them, and selfishly put drinking and using over their well-being is where healing can begin. Obviously, you should be age-appropriate in your approach. Don’t admit anything that would harm them, but otherwise, making amends is beneficial for both of you. They get to see that you are changing your ways, and you have made a verbal agreement to keep changing now that you have said everything out loud.
Kids are resilient, even if they are adults now. You have an excellent opportunity to start anew using your recovery as the basis of relational growth going forward. Give them grace for what they are feeling and then offer them some compassion moving forward. A healthy relationship is more likely to emerge from your recovery efforts and give you some hope regarding a future with your children.
At The Guest House Ocala, we have personal recovery experience, and over 12 years in the recovery industry. We have helped countless people recover, and we’re here to help you too. Call 855-483-7800 today for more information.