People with narcissistic personality disorder are not bad people. Most likely, they were in a primary relationship with a parent who had narcissistic personality disorder, or they experienced a traumatic childhood event which changed the way they perceive themselves and others. Unfortunately, many of the behavioral manifestations of narcissism include emotional abuse which is intentionally hurtful toward others. Living in relationship under the pressure of traumatizing emotional abuse can blur the lines of what is normal and what is not. If you believe you are the victim of narcissistic abuse, these next few blogs will help you gain clarity.
You’re A Perfectionist/Overachiever
While it is true that there are some of us who are just born with an unrelenting drive to succeed in the greatest of ways possible, it is also true that our achievement drives can be disordered due to narcissistic abuse. Living under the rule of a narcissistic abuser can mean constantly living in fear of deep, painful rejection, criticism, and punishment for not being ‘good enough’ in some capacity. The threat of emotional abuse on a spirit level is enough to drive us to be as good as we can and then some in any way we can, and then some in order to avoid the abuse. Consequently, we become perfectionists, overachievers, and very often, people pleasers, to dysfunctional degrees. When we do not feel we are doing good enough, we find ourselves in crisis and breakdown, fearful of what our failure says about us, as well as what it will mean for our relationship with the narcissist in our lives whose approval we desperately seek. As a result, we often set our goals and expectations unrealistically high and in turn punish ourselves when they cannot be met.
You’re An Avoider
There are some things we run to in life because that is our nature and part of our unique being. We run away from other things in life because that is our nature due to the trauma we have experienced in our life, like emotional abuse from a narcissist. Emotional abuse leaves us terrified of having to endure that kind of pain on any occasion. We avoid people, places, things, situations, and feelings which resemble the wrath of emotional abuse from narcissist in any kind of way. When it comes to the abuser in our life, we might avoid all confrontation with them, which can lead us to having loose boundaries so as not to upset them. This pattern of avoidance carries into our other relationships throughout our lives, opening the door for our constant hurt, retraumatization, and pain.
You’re A Codependent
The need to please others, the need to be good enough, and the need to avoid the kind of confrontation which could result in emotional abuse, can manifest through codependency. Being a codependent is being many different things because each person’s codependency is different from another’s. Generally speaking, however, someone who is codependent puts all of their needs, wants, and desires aside as a sacrifice to the needs, wants, and desires of someone else- most often, their narcissist abuser.
Everyone’s story starts before treatment. Everyone’s story changes the minute they arrive to treatment. The Guest House Ocala offers residential programming for trauma, addictions, and related mental health issues, customized to meet your unique needs. Call us today for information on life at the estate: 1-855-483-7800