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We learn what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior in regards to our emotions. Everyone is entitled to speaking up for themselves and standing up for themselves. Somewhere along the story of our lives, however, we learn a different lesson. We learn that our feelings don’t matter. We learn that when our feelings are hurt, we deserve it because we learn that we are not worth being treated well. Since we learn we are not worth being treated well, we also learn that when others do not treat us well we cannot stand up for ourselves.

Recovery is a journey of learning and unlearning. At once, we have to learn new ways of thinking, feeling, acting, decision-making, and behaving as well as unlearn what we already know. We have to learn about where these lessons came from, why they took such hold on our lives, and how we can unlearn them. While we unlearn, we relearn, and learn for the first time. We learn to identify our feelings, articulate them, be okay with them, and speak up for them when we need to, which includes when someone else has hurt them. A grave mistake people make about recovery is thinking that gaining emotional strength and resiliency means not feeling. Feelings get hurt. What we do when our feelings get hurt is what defines our recovery.

First, we need to honor our feelings. We don’t want to tell ourselves that our feelings shouldn’t be hurt or that our feelings wouldn’t be hurt if we were different, which just means if we were “better”. We honor our feelings as being part of our authentic human experience. Next, we look at where our feelings are coming from. Our feelings get hurt for a reason. We might have a personal association, past trauma, or misunderstanding. We might take something personally that wasn’t personal. We need to look at what insecurities might exist and what stories we are telling ourselves. Once we have figured out why our feelings are hurt we can decide what we want to do with them. If we decide we want to confront the person who has hurt our feelings, we carefully choose our words and check on them with another person we trust. Instead of speaking for ourselves, we might want to blame, attack, or hurt the other person.

Our recovery teaches us that isn’t the most effective way to stand up for ourselves, because we usually feel worse afterwards. After checking in with people we trust, examining ourselves, and choosing what we want to say, we say it. We call the person, we arrange to talk to them, and we let them know. Walking through the fear, we find our confidence and we realize it wasn’t the end of the world. Moving forward, we feel more comfortable in our own skin, our own feelings, and our own recovery.

You can feel strong and confident again. If you have been struggling to cope with trauma in your life and have turned to addictions, there is help available. The Guest House Ocala offers long term residential treatment programs for traumas, addictions, and related issues.

Call us today for information on life at the estate and howwe can help you create a new life for yourself: (352) 812-2780